do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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