Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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