Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
