One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
