How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
