I wish my penis had an off switch
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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