it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
