all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
