I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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