She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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