Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
