it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
