Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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