wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
