oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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