I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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