So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
