# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
