Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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