The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize