Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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