Got a toothbrush?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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