did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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