she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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