were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
