You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
