youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
