i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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