Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
