She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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