dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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