The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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