Just cropdusted the office
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
