Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
