Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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