so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
