She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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