bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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