drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
