I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
