God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
