Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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