Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize