drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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