also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
