Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
