i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
