Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
