allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
