I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
