I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
