Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
