Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
