Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
