I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
