WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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