I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
