How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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