I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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