I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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