her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
