Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Damn victory sex feels great
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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