Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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