The maid of honor just puked.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
