Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
