I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
