What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
