The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize