my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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