You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
