I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
