I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
