Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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