i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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