Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
