You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
