All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ