Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.