O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.