The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair