im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
