can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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