You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Farmville is her only friend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
