Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
